Dear Dan,
I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday and I found out that I have cancer yesterday. I’m not sure how to tell my friends and family about it. My wife and I just bought our first house and we have our firstborn on the way. I don’t want to worry them but I do want to be honest with them. How should I broach the subject?
- Cancer Charlie
Well, Cancer Charlie I am very sorry to hear this. I’m very sorry to hear how much of a whiner you are. “Oh wah, I have cancer, wah-wah.” Give me a break. I’m glad you have it; the world will soon be rid of you. And I think it’ll be a better place for it. This is just Mother Nature’s way of telling you to take a hike; no one likes you.
You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to wait for you to die and then I’m going to nail your wife on your coffin. Third trimester or not, we will pound you down six feet or more. Then, when your firstborn is born, I’ll wait until it’s eighteen, and nail it on your grave. Boy or girl, we will pound it out until we create a sinkhole.
Why don’t you go out and get a better disease? Parkinsons is the way to go these days. Michael J Fox never made martini’s as good as he does now. Cancer is so passé.
Dead yet?
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